Assessment of The Apprentice.

For those of you out who now miss your fix of this year's Apprentice - why? You're no better than a smack-addict. From being a decent show about the competitiveness of absolute pots of toss, to a programme dedcated to chasing ratings of the lowest common demoninator. I blame laziess. And socialism.

The Apprentice is Big Brother. For snobs. It's where class-warfare goes to die. It has the same set up as that other dreaded reality show. Same ridiculous types of contestants doing the same ridiculous tasks. Sir Alan Sugar is Big Brother. He is the decision maker. And he has a pointless beard. The evil similarities are vast. Here's the only two discernible difference between these hateful programmes. 1- These guys actually want a real job, and 2- They wear suits.

Did you not think it was all hopelessly predictable and hopelessly pointless. Like building up to a wedding, only to discover you’re marrying a dog. Without the intelligence. I suppose it gladdens the heart. If Lee has the job, just about anyone in the world is technically employable. And clearly even education isn’t quite as important as we all thought it was. So it goes to show the ZaNuLabour were right on when they dumbed down exams so the kids got better grades and the Government got the credit. I wasted too many years of my sweet life learning ‘stuff’.

Shit, should’ve just applied to Sir Alan. Or Suralan, as the apprentice bastards say. Even speaking properly, it seems, is just too much effort. Might as well just let all the words flow and mix together – it’s like listening to Robbie Williams singing. All the lyrics become one ultra long word (Or one long ultra-word!). Of course he probably made the right decision, after a series full of wrong ones. Leave himself with the dregs of society, choose the best of the worst. Kind of like choosing the smartest guy from Alabama – doesn’t really count, doesn’t stand for anything. Like boasting about being a slave who was treated well. Still a slave, no matter what angle, no matter what spin.

Alex was a slippery shit, and how he managed to pull the wool over the eyes of apparent professionals in the interviews is both admirable and arrogant. Someone got a rope, there ought to be a lynchin’. Helene...who? I didn’t even realise she was in the competition until last week. When she appeared in the interview and I thought ‘Now who is she?’ as if she were a stranger, plucked from the streets as a stand-in for someone equally as rubbish. And Claire made love to her own voice every time she spoke. I’ve had it up to here (See me for demonstration) with bolshy women on TV confusing authority and talent with generally being a bit loud.

But at the end of the day, I just wish you had a class of person on there who doesn’t, even when fired, sit on national television telling me that they’re fucking winners. Just for that, you sick and twisted degenerates, you are the losers. 12 sad individuals and one good boss. Lee, you’re only under contract for a year....